As I've said, Roland, now that Jack has the Vault Key, it is only a matter of time until he awakens the warrior. Also, I require a new ventilator -- this lab smells of bacon. Bacon is for sycophants, and products of incest. <Ep4 - Pt2>
Wait, you're not Roland, or even of close facial symmetry. Well if you're here for the Fuel Cell, then you'll have to bring me an item impressive enough that my loins skitter forth from retirement. Oh, don’t give me "overshare" face! <Ep4 - Pt2>
While I thank you for the inquisitive prodding, do please get the hell away from me as we’re being BOMBARDED BY EXPLOSIVES. Most appreciative. <Ep8 - Pt4>
Slag mutation is a volatile, brutal science that flies in the face of human ethics. Needless to say, I am extremely interested in it. Get me some samples of the slag serum Hyperion is using on the wildlife. <Ep10 - Pt2>
You've found the slag samples? Fantastic! Leave them with Roland once you finish whatever irrelevant thing you are doing right now. <Ep10 - Pt2>
I've analyzed all possible courses of action you could take, and I've come to a conclusion: you should find Jack, and murder that sonofabitch. Oh, and if you find a spare moment post-bludgeon, be a dear and pick up some milk. <Ep17 - Pt4>
Though I generally have trouble verbalizing my thoughts into words that will not utterly confuse or nauseate you, I find my mental processes are now surprisingly focused. I have only two words for you -- perhaps the most important two words ever spoken on Pandora: Kill. Jack. <Ep17 - Pt6>
Here -- this may help you in your efforts to put a hilariously large hole in Jack’s face. <Ep17 - Pt6>
I've been observing this Siren, Lilith, since the opening of the Vault. She appears to be using Eridium to enhance her natural Phasewalking abilities – this, naturally leads me to assume some unspoken connection between Sirens, Eridium, and the Vault. I have determined two additional things: firstly, that she finds it irritating when others pluck out strands of her hair under the guise of needing them for scientific experimentation, and secondly, that they taste like olives -- wait, no -- fried pickles. <AsstheAss>
Had Roland not forced me to relocate to Sanctuary, I would not be alive today. I am unpleasantly surprised to find that I am...sorry, that Roland is dead. <BearBadNews>
(broken up) While the logistics of the situation pointed towards at least one death between the likes of Roland, Lilith, or Mordecai, I wanted it to be the drunk. Why Roland? (crying) I know -- I know my thought process is abnormal, that I could never be like everyone else, but I liked Roland! I liked him a lot. <BearBadNews>
Please use this to help you kill Jack. <BearBadNews>
Some people, who are not me, might consider Slag experimentation immoral. Some people would not be willing to pay you a great deal of money for bringing me experiment results from The Hyperion Preserve. Some people are stupid. <DocOrders>
You are doing moderately well. I require one more ECHO recording, at which point I will have all the data I need. <DocOrders>
In addition to being highly entertaining, the data you've found may hold the key to stopping the spread of slag poisoning. <DocOrders>
In a fit of extreme paranoia, I hid my notes on the opening of the Vault, and promptly forgot their locations. While I grind my teeth to dust in frustration, you will retrieve these journals for me. <HiddenJournals>
I am going to die. Roland forcibly relocated me to Sanctuary for what he claimed was my safety, but the slackjaws who populate this city make my flesh scream. A young woman said "hello" to me today. I stared back at her, my mind screeching as I looked for a way to escape this unwanted interaction. As my face grew red with nauseous stress, a blood vessel popped in my nose, and a jet of crimson shot out of my nostrils, splattering us both with blood. She, screamed and ran away. As pleased as I was at the time, I fear causing fountains of blood to shoot from my face will not be a viable long-term strategy for avoiding conversation. <HiddenJournals>
The same questions occurred to me today, as I was pinning a disemboweled skag to my front door to dissuade others from approaching it. What does Jack want with the Vault Key? Was the key simply charging the entire time I possessed it, before Jack crowbarred it from my bloody hands? Was it waiting to unleash its alien powers on Pandora, to make Eridium appear from the very ground? Was it preparing itself to unlock even more alien ruins? I will delve deeper into this question after I soundproof the walls of my home, that I may be spared the incessant laughter and joviality of Sanctuary's citizens. <HiddenJournals>
I have uncovered legends of an ancient alien warrior. The legends tell of a magical key that can bring it back to life. If my hypotheses are correct -- which they always are -- the legends may be speaking of the Vault Key. Also, a young man told me I was pretty on my way back from the grocer's. My reaction was surprisingly tame -- I only spent the next three hours dry-heaving into a bucket. <HiddenJournals>
Yesterday, I had a conversation with another human being. Granted, it was a conversation only inasmuch as my grunts of social terror could be taken as human speech, but Roland did not seem to mind. He asked me why Jack hasn't revived the warrior yet, if he has the key. I conveyed that the key needed to be charged by Eridium -- hence Jack's mining operations. He nodded, and silently wiped the streams of my saliva from his face. I returned home, confused not only at his lack of disgust toward my behavior, but my lack of disgust toward him. For the first time, I felt as if I could actually live in Sanctuary. For the first time, I feel as if...I might be okay. <HiddenJournals>
You listened to my notes, I assume? I would be upset, were it not for the equally privacy-indifferent background check I ran on you before hiring you for this job. <HiddenJournals>
I hid my copious material I compiled after opening the Vault those five long years ago. In a fit of spastic paranoia, I did not write down the locations to the information. Find it for me and be handsomely. (Long pause.) Oh, were you expecting me to say "handsomely rewarded?" <HiddenJournals2>
I've been relocated to Santuary against everyone's better judgement -- not my own mind you, I never wanted to be here. I was perfectly content to live out my days in a non-standard living arrangement with two ceiling chairs I met at a bar fight. Oh, they're adorable -- they barely speak any English -- and if you have to ask what a ceiling chair is, I pity the life you've wasted. <HiddenJournals2>
I should discuss the Scrollophant in the room. The reason for my relocation was an elongated and systematically unpleasant torture at the hands of Jack's cronies. Roland, and his well-defined pectorial muscles, were kind enough to entrust the Vault Key with me after the awakening of the Destroyer, not to be confused with the Warrior, seriously, those sound nothing alike. <HiddenJournals2>
Oh, right, torture! I asked nicely on several occasions to take proper precautions against bacteria on the instruments, but it fell upon idiotic ears. As they cut into my flesh over and over, I would fade in and out of conciousness and whisper to the ceiling chairs that it was going to be okay. Clork was afraid at first, his four legs trembled against the cold ceiling, but he knew he had to be strong for me. Then they went to work on his brother, Phillipe. <HiddenJournals2>
(actually crying) Phillipe -- I, I just -- Phillipe was so brave. He was so brave for me when the rotary saws began to ply his legs from his body. Clork cried out for his brother, even when one of the torturers inadvertantly sat on him and muffled his cries. The last thing Phillipe said before he passed on to the great wooden beyond was, "I love you, Patty, I love you." And then he was gone. <HiddenJournals2>
It's lonely here in Sanctuary, sure Clork prattles around on the ceiling, but it's hardly the same. Jack has taken so much from me -- Jack has taken the only happiness I've ever had in his acinine quest for the Warrior and more power. Revenge is as pointless as music, but on this occasion, I will allow myself the revenge, I will allow myself to aid in his downfall. Mark my words, Jack, you're going to die. <HiddenJournals2>
Ah -- the chronicles of my torture. I shall warm up some cocoa and listen to these again. <HiddenJournals2>
Oh, hang on, that is an antique piece of Dahl machinery -- if you were gazing slackjawed at your feet when Sanctuary flew into the air, you might not know the Dahl corporation held a great interest in Pandora's resources, once upon a time. <Minecart>
Still escorting a minecart due to your egregious over-qualification for menial labor? Fantastic! Let’s hop back to story time. So, the Dahl miners found it difficult to get the Eridium off-planet, and soon found themselves wrestling with the Atlas corporation as they fought over the same resources. As it turns out, word of a Vault can travel many galaxies. <Minecart>
As it turns out, Dahl turned tail when the Crimson Lance showed up and flexed their various muscles. The central issue being that Dahl brought many workers here, including myself, and left without evacuating most of us. The bandits you fight out there used to be family men, workers, scientists… (a beat into actual realization) We’re all broken because of them. <Minecart>
You know, not to stifle your menial victories with deep enlightened thought, but one must assume a deeper connection between the demon-spewing vault and the limitless Eridium in this planet. Perhaps someday I will uncover these secrets and, further down the line, invent a dance based around sneezing. <Minecart>
With the warrior defeated and Jack lying in a pool of his own blood and fecal matter, you might think Pandora is safe. You are wrong. I’ve built a seismograph out of rusty metal and mucus, and it tells me that a creature of considerable power has awakened somewhere on Pandora. You will destroy it, of course. I hope you have the Eridium necessary to access its lair. <Raid>
...Cool. <Raid>
You have performed adequately. Do not fool yourself into thinking this planet is now safe, however. <Raid>
You have performed adequately. Do not fool yourself into thinking this planet is now safe, however. Should you wish to fight that monstrosity again, you will need more Eridium. <Raid>
A group of mutant test subjects escaped the Hyperion preserve. As amusing as it might be to see them attempt to reintegrate into society, they must be put down. You will need a way to lure them out. Head to Moxxi’s and acquire some bait I have ordered. <SplinterGroup>
Keep what few wits you have about you. These mutants are not to be trifled with -- cut them no slack. <SplinterGroup>
You must communicate with the beasts through the intercom. Should your promises of food satisfy them, they will let you in. <SplinterGroup>
The mutants cannot resist the smell of that congealed lump of cheese and self-loathing. Once they appear, kill them, and bring me proof that you have done so. <SplinterGroup>
Excellent. Return to me: I have a large pile of blood money with your name on it. You might assume this to be a metaphor. You would be incorrect. <SplinterGroup>
It is unfortunate the mutants could not be tamed -- they would have been useful allies. <SplinterGroup>
Good. The escapees, for whatever reason, find pizza irresistible. You will lure them out with this pizza, then murder them. <SplinterGroup>
As I've said, Roland, now that Jack has the Vault Key, it is only a matter of time until he opens the Vault. Also, I require a new ventilator -- this lab smells of bacon. Bacon is for sycophants, and products of incest. <Surgery>
Wait, you're not Roland, or even of close facial symmetry. However, you've brought Eridium, and thus I can feel my loins skitter forth from retirement. Oh, don’t give me "overshare" face! Hand it over. <Surgery>
After hours of scientific insanity you could only imagine in your dreams or my bed, standing offer, I have deduced that Jack, the vault key, and the Eridium are all connected on a deeper level. <Surgery>
Oh hello, vault hunter. If you wouldn't mind taking a break from smashing creatures into goopy collections of bone marrow and sadness, I have a job for you back in Sanctuary. (sheepish, rushed) This isn't a date. <Tannis - Quest - NPC - Reminder>
Well, I have things to do if you wouldn't mind… removing your face from the vicinity of my face. Like in a nowish way. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
So many calculations left to do. So much research left to explore. So many inanimate objects left to best in sexual combat. What to do… <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
Sometimes I put my hand on the shoulder of the nearest passer-by, which for the record aggrivates my vomit reflex, and I say "good job, Lord Garflax of the Tardik system values your sacrifice," to mess with them. (beat) And then I burn an effigy to Lord Garflax. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
There's too much left to do. If we're going to stop Jack we're going to need a hell of a lot more Porcheen Combat Fruits. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
My lower lip tastes like me, but my upper lip tastes like Tandoran lip Destroyers, which are a local delicacy if you don't mind your lips being ripped from your face. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
Can I help you? I have things to do, mouth-breather <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
Is there something you still require? I'm quite tired and want to lay down with a ceiling chair if you wouldn't mind disappearing. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
It must be said – despite your proximity, I am significantly less nauseous than I would be otherwise. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
I appreciate that you would take on these tasks for me. The last person I requested help from attempted to rob me. After a struggle, we mutually agreed that he would leave if I did him the favor of removing his severed ear from my teeth and returning it to him. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
Have you visited the well-endowed woman's public house? The patrons' raucous laughter and physical violence often keep me up at night. Perhaps one day I will visit the bar, and take notes from a distance. <Tannis - Quest - UI - Idle>
This is Patricia Tannis. I'll skip the platitudes, should you value such meaningless spittle, and begin to list the things that will happen to you if Handsome Jack is allowed to open the Vault: Number one, nachos will cease to exist. Number two, now that you're no longer knuckle-deep in the orifice of your choosing, seriously, nachos are gone. Number three, I'll be dead though I know you value my well-being less than nachos. Hm, I had a thousand and forty-six more reasons but I'm being told I'm out of time.

<Tannis - Radio - Commercial - variation>
Here you are. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
What is it that awful arms dealer says? "A pleasure doing business with you?" <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
I won't bother asking how you acquired that currency. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
Your blood money is very much appreciated. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
Your payment will further my research on Eridium. And my bacon addiction. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
If you require any more Eridium, you should know where to find me. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
You might wish to wipe this one off. It may have my saliva on it. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
Here. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
Thank you for the blood money. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
Appreciated. <Tannis - Buy - Eridium>
Given the blank look on your face, I assume you have not completed your task. <Tannis - Quest - During>
Have you completed your task yet? <Tannis - Quest - During>
Do you have a progress update? <Tannis - Quest - During>
If you could stand still for a moment, I require something of you. <Tannis - Quest - New>
I am very sorry to say I need your assistance. <Tannis - Quest - New>
You will help me, and I will pay you. It is as simple as that. <Tannis - Quest - New>
I am happy to say I need not rely on you for help, at the moment. <Tannis - Quest - No - New>
My research is going swimmingly, my psychoses notwithstanding. Your help is not required. <Tannis - Quest - No - New>
I require nothing from you, other than that you please stay a safe distance away from me. I am known to bite. <Tannis - Quest - No - New>
Highly unusual. <Tannis - Quest - NPC - Mumble>
Unfortunate. <Tannis - Quest - NPC - Mumble>
That was surprisingly pleasant. <Tannis - Quest - NPC - Mumble>
(sigh of physical relief) <Tannis - Quest - NPC - Mumble>
This strikes me as unusual. <Tannis - Quest - NPC - Mumble>
Your assistance was necessary. I…thank you. <Tannis - Quest - Turn - In>
In order to keep our social engagement to a minimum, please let me know how the job went. <Tannis - Quest - Turn - In>
Oh, good. You are not as untrustworthy as others have suggested. <Tannis - Quest - Turn - In>