Borderlands 2: Quotes
Funny and memorable quotes from the game Borderlands 2
NOTE: For a COMPLETE list of quotes for by character see here: Borderlands 2 All Quotes
"Great - another dead Vault Hunter. Handsome Jack's been busy. Wait a minute - You're not dead! YES! Now I can get off this glacier! Claptrap, your metaphorical ship has finally come in!" (Right after intro, when Claptrap discovers you are not dead)
"Allow me to introduce myself - I am CL4P-TP steward bot, but my friends call me Claptrap! Or they would, if any of them were still alive. Or had existed in the first place!" (Right after intro)
"Oh - I've got something for you! Here - take this ECHO communicator that I totally didn't loot from one of these corpses (Right after intro scene)
"Man, this is great! Now that I've met a mighty Vault Hunter, I can finally join the resistance in Sanctuary, take vengeance against Jack for killing my product line, and repair my central processor so I can stop thinking out loud! I wonder what it's like to have a belly button." (Shortly after intro)
"Well done! Your ability to walk short distances without dying will be Handsome Jack's Downfall!" (Shortly after intro)
"Vamanos, minion! Arriba, arriba!"
"Sorry about the mess. Everything Jack kills, he dumps here -- bandits, Vault Hunters, Claptrap units... If I sound pleased about this, it's only because my programmers made this my default tone of voice! I'm actually quite depressed!" (Claptrap, when showing around Claptrap's Place)
"Just a little added security. Gotta keep those Bullymongs at bay, or they'll rip your eyes out" (Claptrap, explaining why he has an eye scanner in the door to his place. Not two minutes pass, and a Bullywong named Knuckle Dragger enters from the completely exposed ceiling, and rips Claptrap's eye out".)
"Apart from the excruciating pain, this is great! I've been waiting for a mighty Vault Hunter to help me reach Sanctuary. I will be your wise leader, and you shall be my fearsome minion!" (Claptrap, shortly after his eye gets ripped out)
"Great! Just let me get this door open and we'll hunt ourselves a Bullymong" (During the mission Blindsided)
"Onward, seeing-eye minion! Let me know if I'm gonna run into anything!... Ah! I'll just assume you didn't see that" (During the mission Blindsided)
"Ugh--- AGAIN?! Jack's tearing Pandora apart to find the Vault. They say Jack's drilling operations are causing those earthquakes. That, or your mom just got outta bed. ZING!" (Blindsided)
"Oh! My eye just switched back on! I see a tough-looking minion, and an incredibly handsome robot. Which means that whoever has my eye... is very close" (Blindsided)
"Got my eye? Great! Now we just gotta find someone to put it back into me. Much as I'm sure you'd like to jam your fist into my skull, optic surgery is best left for professionals" (After retrieving Claptrap's Eye)
"Well, it was nice knowing ya! I hear getting eaten alive by Bullymongs isn't such a bad way to go" (After Claptrap fails to open the Hyperion Barge Door)
"Did you know my head is at your crotch level? I'm trying not to think about it"
"You make me so proud, minion. The way you're carrying on my fight against Handsome Jack. It brings a tear to my eye. A figurative one, of course. The saline content of actual tears would rust my eye quicker than you could say 'tetanus shot.'"
"The jerk kept me as his torture plaything for a few months. We played game like 'dodge the blowtorch' and 'don't get dunked into the pool of acid.' I was really good at the first one." (about Captain Flynt)
"Now I've got my eyesight back, and you are far uglier than I remembered!" (After Sir Hammerlock repairs his eye)
"I am the last Claptrap in existence and I AM GOING TO TEABAG YOUR CORPSE!"
 Dr. Zed
"Next time you're bleedin' to death, just think, 'Dr. Zed!'" (Zed's Meds Machine)
"Did I mention I don't have a medical license?"
"Who needs a medical license when you've got style?"
"I'm legally obligated to tell you that I ain't a real doctor."
 Guardian Angel
"You're alive for a reason" (Intro)
"You'll need that funny little robot's help to reach Sanctuary, the last bastion of the resistance against Jack, and the only place you will be truly safe. Get to Sanctuary" (During the mission Blindsided)
 Handsome Jack
"Welcome Vault Hunters... To Your Doom (Nothing Personal)" (On a Hyperion Billboard sign in the train in intro sequence)
"It's cute that y'all think think you're the heroes of this little adventure, but you're not" (Intro)
"Welcome to Pandora, kiddos" (Intro)
"Looking for Bloodwing? Oh, I moved her a few hours ago. Somewhere a little more...dramatic" (During the mission Wildlife Preservation)
"Hey, you know what I just remembered? It's feeding time." (When you are in the Specimen Maintenance zone.)
"Hey kiddo. Jack here - President of Hyperion. Lemme explain how things work here: Vault Hunter shows up. Vault Hunter looks for the new Vault. Vault Hunter gets killed. By Me. See the problem here? You're still alive. So, if you could just do me a favor and off yourself that'd be great. Thanks, Pumpkin." (Blindsided)
"Butt stallion says "Hello". "
"Oh, yeah, and since you shiver-brains evidently don't know how to listen, I'll say it again: stop bringing in fake Sirens. Only six Sirens can exist in the universe at any given time, and I already know of three - you're not gonna convince me you happened to find one of the remaining three just by drawing blue tattoos on some random chick's corpse. I will admit, it was mildly amusing the first dozen times you idiots tried it, but now my office smells like blood and marker fumes. So quit it!" (Optional mission: Assassinate the Assassins)
"You see, this is what I don't get about you bad guys: You know the hero's gonna win, but you don't just die quickly. Example: This one guy in New Haven, right? City's burning, people are dying left and right, yadda, yadda, yadda... This jackhole rushes me with a spoon, A FRICKIN' SPOON! And I'm dying laughing, right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it and his kids are all, 'WAAAAAAH!' And-ahahaha... I can't even... ahahahahah! He can't see where he's going, he's bumping into stuff and... I dunno, maybe you had to be there. The moral is: you're a total bitch."
"Hey, side question, is it weird when I notice the moment you pick something up? Did you know I can see you in the bathroom? Wait, was that weird, I meant it like a spying on you in the bathroom out of friendship thing" (During the mission Borderlands 2: No Vacancy)
CATCH A RIDE!!!
 Sir Hammerlock
"Spectacular -- first Captain Flynt's bandits attack, then Claptrap shows up! I must have been horrifyingly cruel to puppies in a previous life to deserve this kind of treatment." (Cleaningup the Berg, after Claptrap calls him through the gate)
"When Claptrap speaks, I feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one."
"Size doesn't matter. Except when it does. Which is always."
"Bullymong, Rubbish name isnt it?"
"Yes, you smell it dont you Slappy. Thats the smell of a Gentelman."